


Sweet Sandman

by AngelsSelene



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologises, Canon Compliant, Dreams and Nightmares, Insecurity, M/M, Memory, Mental Health Issues, Milan gives great advice, Nightmares, SKAM - Freeform, SKAM Season 3, Sander has bipolar disorder (not that it plays a part in this fic but yea), Sander is sweetheart, We needed more Senne in this season, skam belgium - Freeform, skam remake, sorta - Freeform, wtfock - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22069024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsSelene/pseuds/AngelsSelene
Summary: As much as I loved Robbe apologising to Sander after the whole "abuse" comment... I wanted to try and see how deeply it would have affect someone like Sander who was constantly convincing himself that the people around him would always leave. That his loved ones wouldn't stay.Please read the tags.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	Sweet Sandman

Sander sighed softly as he got ready for bed. He was still staying with Robbe despite having gone home to grab his clothes and other things that he would need for school. Pulling the covers around him tightly, he peeked out at his boyfriend who was still so hard at work. He has one last exam the next day and Robbe was trying to cram all that he could in the next couple of hours before he gave up and went to bed. Sander closed his eyes. The image of Robbe seriously staring at the table in front of him was clear in his mind. He breathed in deeply, trying to relax his body enough that he could fall asleep. 

_ Robbe is here. You’re in his bed. He wants you here. He won’t kick you out. _

It has been awhile since Sander slept properly. Lately he has been exhausted enough that he creeped into bed hours before Robbe joined him. But he never stayed asleep for long. He woke up in the middle of the night with his body tensed to the point of pain, his throat working to keep his silent scream in and his terrors just solidifying with each passing night. He knew that Robbe would be disappointed and possibly even a little guilty that he did not go to him with it but how could he? Especially since Robbe was the one who was starring in his memory based drea- nightmares. 

Maybe he was nearing another depressive episode? Maybe it was just his insecurity and fear? Honestly, who knew at this point? All he knew was that his overthinking and lack of faith in the fact that he deserved happiness and something, someone  _ good _ in his life was a trigger - or at least that was what his therapist told him. He was supposed to speak to someone when his thoughts get too loud. But… how could Robbe... ? 

He turned his back to the sight of Robbe seating at his study table. He knew he was not going to get much sleep tonight. He will end up waking up and drawing in his sketchbook at like four in the morning but for now, he will just try not to distract Robbe any more than he already has with firstly, his appearance in his life then his hot and cold attitude towards his own feelings towards the boy and finally, his admittance into the psych ward. He knew how difficult that time was for Robbe. Not only did he have to admit to himself that he is gay, he had to come out to his close friends and not everyone reacted well. Just as he put himself out there, Sander ruined everything by freaking out and going back to Britt - back to a constant, a normal - the safest option.

Without his permission, tears pooled at the corner of his eye and overflowed into the pillow beneath his head. Just as everything was getting better between them, he fucked up. Yet again. He had a manic episode and he nearly ruined  _ everything _ . No, Britt nearly ruined everything but he was still partly to blame for that. No, he was not going to say or do anything until Robbe’s exams were over. And even then, maybe… he could just deal with his himself. He could do that right? He was not some weakling that needed to run straight to his boyfriend just cause some nightmares were disturbing him in his sleep. ‘I can do this’ was his last thought before he was waking up, screaming like he was being tortured. 

  
  


_ Don’t act like you don’t know what you did. _

_ You got me drunk. And you abused me.  _

_ Yes, abused, yes.  _

_ Stay away from me, okay? _

_ Stay away from me, dirty faggot! _

  
  


“Sander! S- oww! Sander! SANDER! Oww! Fuck! MILAN! Milan, a little help here?” Senne shouted as he tried to restrain Sander’s arms. 

He was blindly flailing and his fist had caught Senne hard, across his jaw. Robbe and Zoe were already in school. Senne who finally returned home in the morning after partying all night with his friends heard the chilling scream and barged into Robbe’s and Sander’s shared room without thinking. Patting Sander’s cheek, he tried to get the boy to open his eyes and to finally realise that he was not wherever his nightmares had taken him. Unfortunately for both Senne and Milan,  _ this _ was the venue of his terror.

This was the place where Robbe had slammed the door in his face. This was where Robbe called him a faggot (in an attempt to deny his truth, but still). This was where Robbe had said that their first kiss was just Sander getting him drunk and then  _ abusing _ him. Logically, he knew that Robbe was just saying things to try and hurt him so that he could hide from the feelings that Sander brought out in him but it still hurt. 

“I have to go. I have to- I have to go. He said to stay away. He said I abused- he said,” Sander whispered brokenly as Senne slowly let go of his hands. Tears were already pouring from his eyes and his begged the two boys in front of him with disjointed sentences that made no sense to either one of them. He begged them to let him go, to let him leave so that he would not have to face Robbe and hear those harsh words from him, again. 

“Sander, dude,” Senne tried to talk to him, “It was just a nightmare. Robbe’s in school and he’ll be back soon. Just breathe and stay here okay? I’m sure whatever it is, he’ll understand better than us but just stay. Stay here and wait for him, okay?”

“Sander, breathe. We’re not letting you leave the flat like this. You can leave if you want, of course we won’t force you to stay but you  _ have _ to calm down and breathe. When you’re in a calmer state of mind, you can do whatever you want, okay?” Milan tried to talk some sense into him as he discreetly texted Robbe to hurry up on his way back. 

  
  


**From: Robbe**

**Almost there. 5 minutes. What happened? Is Sander alright?**

  
  


Nodding to Senne, Milan gestured for him to relax a little. Sighing, Senne moved to stand silently next to the door to their room. He figured well-rested Milan was probably a better choice at calming Sander down. Milan had that kind of aura around him. Anyone around him felt immediately at ease. Sander had already stopped frantically looking around the room. Although he was still slightly tensed, at least he was sitting on the bed and not trying to run out of the flat. 

“Sander… do you want to talk about it?” Milan asked softly, mostly concerned about the young boy. He knew that it was likely that both Robbe and Sander had trauma from the fact that they were victims of a homophobic attack a couple of weeks ago. He knew that both boys never talked about it, prefering to deal with it quietly. But if that was what was causing this, he wanted to be able to do everything that he could so that he could help these kids out. “Robbe is almost home. Don’t wor-”

He stopped speaking as Sander’s breathing picked up again. ‘Robbe?’ Milan thought as he sent a worried glance to Senne just as the front door opened and Robbe’s voice could be heard calling for Sander. 

Robbe burst through the door, panting. Throwing his bag onto the floor, he breathed in deeply trying to calm himself down as he dropped to his knees next to Sander. 

“S-sander…” he whispered, clutching his boyfriend’s hands tightly in his own, “What happened? Are you alright? Is something wrong?”

Sander stared at the boy in front of him. His reality and his dreams were melding together and he did not know what was real anymore. Which was the real Robbe? The one who told him to get away because he abused him or the one in front of him, holding his hands and trying to catch his breath as though he ran all the way back home just for him. Sander shook his head as though he could clear the fog in his mind and just  _ be okay _ . 

“Sander,” Robbe whispered, “Please?”

Wide-eyed, Sander continued to stare at his boyfriend before Milan interrupted and told him what Sander had repeatedly whispered as soon as he woke up. Noticing how pale Robbe’s face had gotten, Milan stepped forward lightly and patted them both on their heads. 

“I know you have gone through a lot together but please talk things out. I know it might be difficult and I know at times it might just be scary. Maybe you worry that talking things out will burden each other but just trust me okay? Sometimes talking directly is what you need. You can make sure that there are no misunderstandings, that you are both on the same page in your relationship.” He turned to Senne and smiled softly, making sure that he knew that this advice was for him too considering he and Zoe have been having quite a number of arguments lately. With that Milan pushed Senne out of the boys’ room and closed the door behind him, hoping that they take into consideration what he just said. 

“Sander… I really didn’t mean that. Please believe me, I know what I said hurt you. That was what I was trying to do. I didn’t want to accept myself and I- and I… blamed you for my actions. I’m so so sorry,” Robbe whispered, tears falling as he realised just how deeply his rash words had cut his boyfriend. 

Closing his eyes, Sander sighed. He knew that. Logically he knew that what Robbe said is true and he understood it. He knew it. But he still didn’t believe that he deserved good things in his life. He overthought everything. He was still afraid to take more than what he thought he was allowed to. He knew that he would have to explain all this to Robbe in order for them to accept that they both had faults and then they could move on but he did not know how. 

“Robbe…” he whispered thickly, eyes boring into Robbe’s, willing him to understand everything that he is not saying. “I love you. I will work… harder.” 

To the third person it might have seemed off; maybe even outrightly wrong but Robbe understood. He understood that Sander had difficulties voicing out what he wants and what he means. He knew that sometimes it took awhile for the words to come out and other times, it just never did. He has learned to read between the lines and to reply out loud so that Sander could either confirm or deny that Robbe had gotten what he meant to say. 

“Sander, as long as you are okay we’ll be okay. I know it will take awhile for you to remember it and even longer for you believe it but we’ll get there, okay? Together.” 

Pushing himself off the bed, Sander collapsed into Robbe’s arms. 

“I love you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Today has really been trying. I started this fic awhile ago and by that I mean even before the season ended. I couldn't finish it. Anyway after a long ass time and like I said... today was trying (I finally watched TROS T.T) here y'all go. A lot of y'all liked my first wtfock fic so I hope I didn't screw this up. Ngl, posting fics (as happy as it makes me) makes me incredibly anxious. 
> 
> Hahaha i'm just typing nonsense now. Anyway, I hope y'all liked this fic.
> 
> Comment - Kudos - Tweet me @Lady__Hel etc etc
> 
> xoxo


End file.
